Sometimes as a parent, you have to know when to fight something, and when not too. There are things that really aren't worth the fight, and others that you must fight. When it comes down to it, the hard part is knowing the difference.
We all want to maintain control, and to know that our children will listen when we tell them to do something, but are all things really necessary to control? In my opinion, some are most definitely not.
I'll give you an example....
Just tonight, my daughter wanted to "pretend" to be a baby. Now generally, she eats her dinner at her table, in the same spot every night. Today, in the act of acting like a baby, she wanted to sit in her old high chair and eat there.
My initial instinct was to tell her no, that she is a big girl, and big girls eat at the table. But what is really important on this one? Where she eats? Or that she eats? To me, it is more important for her to eat. If she wanted to pretend to be a baby and eat in the high chair, then so be it.
I chose not to fight this battle because it really isn't hurting anything. It was part of the play she was having, and I really just wanted to make sure she ate. To me it was not worth a fit, delaying dinner for time out, and possibly having her not eat at all. In the end, we both one. She ate her entire dinner, which made me happy.... And she ate in her highchair so she continue pretending to be a baby which made her happy.
On the otter hand, there are some battles I MUST fight, I'll use another example from this evening.....
After he dinner, I told her it was bath time. At first, she didn't want to take her bath and brush her teeth. To me, this battle is a must for a few reasons.
First of all, I made it very clear that she had to do it. I had to make sure to put my foot down, so she knows that when daddy says it, he means it.
At first she said, "Daddy, I'm not stinky."
I replied with, "No, you're not stinky, but you don't have to be stinky to take a bath. If you don't take one, you can get stinky, but it's really to make sure you are clean."
She got upset and yelled, "I'M NOT DIRTY DADDY."
I told her, "No, you're not, but if you don't take a bath, you can get that way."
After this, the fit began. She dropped to the floor, and started yelling, screaming and kicking. I told her, that if she wanted to continue acting that way that she would end up in time out. I started counting, got to 5 and the fit hadn't stopped, so into time out she went.
After 4 minutes of time out, she calmed down, and I had her come to me. We talked about why she was in trouble, she said sorry, I gave her a hug, told her I loved her, and she took her bath. After the first break down, she agreed to brushing her teeth and hair without trying to avoid it.
This too was a win win situation. She learned again that what daddy says goes. She learned that I love her no matter what, and that acting the way she did was not okay. She also learned again the importance of personal hygiene,
For me, I maintained my control, and got her to learn the things above. So again we both ended up happy, even though we struggled for a moment to get there.
Now, I'm sure battles are different for every family, and that some people may fight some battles others wont. For me, both of these battles were wins on both sides, and everything necessary was accomplished.
My apologies to anyone who reads consistently for no entry last night. After dinner I was feeling a bit under the weather and decided it was best to get some sleep to make sure I was feeling better for work this morning.
Well, thanks again for reading and I wish you all the best!
Chris
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