I am a firm believer in that every child needs some consistency. At the same time, that consistency is good for us parents too! Now, the degree to which the routine is established is probably different for every family, but for my munchkin and me, the more consistent and strict the routine, the better we both do.
Lately I have been a bit of a slacker when it comes to our routine. Our bedtimes have been different daily, our dinner time has been different daily, and pretty much everything in between. To be honest, I'm actually disappointed in myself for letting it get this way.
For some people, a routine is simple....
They wake up at this time, eat at these times, and go to bed at this time. The stuff in the middle is probably very different on a daily basis. For some people, I would assume they have more family members or different activities that may cause the routine to vary. For others, the routine may be lee important and it differs on that fact.
For other people, there may be a little more in depth of a routine....
They may do the things I listed above, as well as including things like a bath, or TV time... whatever.
For the munchkin and me, our routine needs to be very well thought out and planned or we both tend to struggle. I like to schedule everything! Literally everything, and when I do, we are both at our BEST. No Aubrie will be starting soccer in the next week, one weeknight each week, our night time schedule will have to change. Also, if something special came up, our schedule might be slightly different, but there are some things (like quiet time, getting ready for bed, bed time, and the morning schedule) that would not change at all.
As Aubrie is moving into her Pre-K class at school tomorrow, and into Kindergarten next year, I decided that we need to get back on our routine, and to do it the best way I can. For us, it means scheduling out the entire day minute by minute. Now, I do tend to schedule blocks of free time periodically, but this is because there are things that come up, and there might be unavoidable reasons why we may fall a bit behind. Now, even though we may fall behind there are some things that will under all circumstances remain at their times.
Here is a sample of one of our typical weekdays days...... (I hope I don't look too OCD after you read this) ha ha
6:15-6:30 Shower
6:30-6:45 Get ready (brush teeth, comb hair, get dressed etc.)
6:45-7:10 Get Aubrie ready (Brush teeth, hair, get dressed etc.)
7:10-7:20 Take Aubrie to Primrose
7:20-8:00 Drive to work
8:00-4:30 Work
4:30-5:30 Drive to Primrose
5:30-5:40 Get Aubrie and get home
5:40-6:30 Free Time (Play outside, swimming, coloring playdough, etc.)
6:30-7:00 Prepare dinner
7:00-7:30 Dinner
7:30-8:00 Bath Time
8:00-9:00 Quiet Time (Generally we sit and watch TV together, or color together, then pick up)
9:00-9:05 Brush Aubrie's Teeth and Hair
9:05-9:15 Story Time at Aubrie's Bed
9:15-9:30 Quick Clean up (I find that if I do this daily, the house stays in much better condition!)
9:30-10:10 Daddy Time (Writing, cleaning, relaxing, whatever)
10:10-10:15 Ready for bed (Brush teeth, shave, etc.)
10:15 Bed time
Everything where the time is in red are things I would like to keep consistent EVERY SINGLE DAY! I know, that is not always possible, but that's how I would prefer it.
On weekends, There are generally much more free time, as well as cleaning time, and the bed time may differ slightly depending on the activities of the day. I mean, weekends are the only times where we can do pretty much whatever without the hassle of having to be somewhere at a certain time the next morning.
I'm sure for some people, this strict of a routine would be BORING, but for us it works. It keeps us fresh, it keeps us balanced, and it keeps us comfortable. We thrive in it, others may not. In fact, I'm sure there are people who don't believe in routine at all.... some who think that routine leaves very little open for chance, luck, and creativity. If I weren't a single father, or a father at all... I would probably not live with such a routine either. It is very possible that I would make choices on the fly. But since I am a daddy, and the only person to make sure her life is straight, the routine I will follow!
Obviously, there will be special occasions or circumstances where the routine is compromised, but on a general basis, it remains the same. Well, at least if I can stop slacking on it, and get back in line!
Speaking of routine.... I'm past my bedtime HA HA HA!
Goodnight all,
Chris
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Being the Mr. Mom
Tonight, I decided I would write about something that's been getting to me a lot lately..... trying to play both parts. As a single parent, and the primary residential parent, I struggle with this. It is a pleasure to be with my daughter nearly 100% of the time, but I am not a female.
The past few years, every female who has touched my daughter's life has pretty much been in and out. Some have been there a lot and just vanished, and some have been there for a little while, left, came back, and left again. It's hard to watch, and even though she is young, I know it hurts. Its not her fault by any means, and I hope she knows that.
Don't get me wrong, I don't at all mind being there for her all the time, but I truly wish she had a consistent, positive female role model. There are so many things I worry about when it comes to this.
For example, someday she is gonna start wanting to wear make up. I know nothing about the stuff. Sure I know what eye shadow is, I know what foundation is, I know what lipstick is, but I haven't got the slightest clue how to help her use them.
Oh.... and what about the big thing thats gonna come up some day.... you know.... the period. How could I possibly begin to help with that?!? I mean, I have designed tampon instruction pages and packaging ha ha, but really? Is she gonna be comfortable talking to me about it? Am I going to be comfortable hearing about it?
Now, I have done pig tails, french braids and I have painted nails. Anything to help my baby feel like a princess, but some things are beyond my level of knowledge. I wouldn't know what to do when it's time to get bras, or buying her underwear, or even the prom dresses and those types of things. Wow... there are so many things Im clueless about, good thing I have some good female friends I can go to for advice, right?
Either way, being Mr. Mom can really only go so far. I mean, I'm flattered when my friends wish me a happy mother's day when they notice that I play both parts. But it certainly isn't an easy thing to do. I freak out a bit when I think about the things a woman should be there for her for. Will she be okay talking to me about boys when she is old enough? At the same time, will I be able to talk to her about boys without being too protective? I want to be, but thats my baby girl, seeing her get her heart broken would be so hard to do.
I read once that a father is responsible for more than 90% of his daughters self confidence, and self esteem. If I show her how she deserves to be treated, and make her feel as beautiful as she really is, then she will feel that way, and believe it beyond a doubt. Now, I'm sure there are people who would disagree with that percentage above, but in my case, I have to be responsible for 100% of it. That can be quite difficult. I really hope that I can do that for her.
I know I am young, and that someday I will find my Miss Right, but she needs a female role model now. Someone who can be there for her consistently, and who can fill she shoes I can't. Who is going to show her what a strong, independent female is? Who is going to be her example of what an educated, goal oriented, ambitious female is? That, I simply can't do. I don't want her to have to rely on celebrities and other lime-lighted females for her examples. I want her to know a strong, powerful, everyday type of woman!
All I can really do, is be there to love her, answer questions when she asks, and make her feel amazing about herself. I am going to make sure she knows she is beautiful, make sure she knows what she is worth, and make sure she knows that SHE DESERVES the BEST!
So for now, I gotta step up and be her daddy, the one who makes her feel beautiful and special. The one who treats her in a way that will ensure that she will refuse to let a man treat her any differently! On the other hand, I will have to be the one she can trust, and confide in. Someone who she can go to with her female problems as well. Someone who will listen without being the overprotective father.
I have to play both roles, and play them well, because all she has.... is a Mr. Mom!
Well, I guess thats all for tonight.
Thanks for reading, and sleep well!
Chris
The past few years, every female who has touched my daughter's life has pretty much been in and out. Some have been there a lot and just vanished, and some have been there for a little while, left, came back, and left again. It's hard to watch, and even though she is young, I know it hurts. Its not her fault by any means, and I hope she knows that.
Don't get me wrong, I don't at all mind being there for her all the time, but I truly wish she had a consistent, positive female role model. There are so many things I worry about when it comes to this.
For example, someday she is gonna start wanting to wear make up. I know nothing about the stuff. Sure I know what eye shadow is, I know what foundation is, I know what lipstick is, but I haven't got the slightest clue how to help her use them.
Oh.... and what about the big thing thats gonna come up some day.... you know.... the period. How could I possibly begin to help with that?!? I mean, I have designed tampon instruction pages and packaging ha ha, but really? Is she gonna be comfortable talking to me about it? Am I going to be comfortable hearing about it?
Now, I have done pig tails, french braids and I have painted nails. Anything to help my baby feel like a princess, but some things are beyond my level of knowledge. I wouldn't know what to do when it's time to get bras, or buying her underwear, or even the prom dresses and those types of things. Wow... there are so many things Im clueless about, good thing I have some good female friends I can go to for advice, right?
Either way, being Mr. Mom can really only go so far. I mean, I'm flattered when my friends wish me a happy mother's day when they notice that I play both parts. But it certainly isn't an easy thing to do. I freak out a bit when I think about the things a woman should be there for her for. Will she be okay talking to me about boys when she is old enough? At the same time, will I be able to talk to her about boys without being too protective? I want to be, but thats my baby girl, seeing her get her heart broken would be so hard to do.
I read once that a father is responsible for more than 90% of his daughters self confidence, and self esteem. If I show her how she deserves to be treated, and make her feel as beautiful as she really is, then she will feel that way, and believe it beyond a doubt. Now, I'm sure there are people who would disagree with that percentage above, but in my case, I have to be responsible for 100% of it. That can be quite difficult. I really hope that I can do that for her.
I know I am young, and that someday I will find my Miss Right, but she needs a female role model now. Someone who can be there for her consistently, and who can fill she shoes I can't. Who is going to show her what a strong, independent female is? Who is going to be her example of what an educated, goal oriented, ambitious female is? That, I simply can't do. I don't want her to have to rely on celebrities and other lime-lighted females for her examples. I want her to know a strong, powerful, everyday type of woman!
All I can really do, is be there to love her, answer questions when she asks, and make her feel amazing about herself. I am going to make sure she knows she is beautiful, make sure she knows what she is worth, and make sure she knows that SHE DESERVES the BEST!
So for now, I gotta step up and be her daddy, the one who makes her feel beautiful and special. The one who treats her in a way that will ensure that she will refuse to let a man treat her any differently! On the other hand, I will have to be the one she can trust, and confide in. Someone who she can go to with her female problems as well. Someone who will listen without being the overprotective father.
I have to play both roles, and play them well, because all she has.... is a Mr. Mom!
Well, I guess thats all for tonight.
Thanks for reading, and sleep well!
Chris
Friday, July 29, 2011
It's the Little Things
"We act as though comfort and luxury were the chief requirements of life, when all that we need to be happy is something to be enthusiastic about"
~ Charles Kingsley
This quote comes to mind because so many of us wish we had the money, the riches and all that fancy and so-called "fine" things. I too am guilty of these wishes. But taking a step back and looking at the bigger picture, I realized that those things are nice, but not necessary. All we really need are the little things, the things that we can be enthusiastic about, to be happy.
Tonight my beautiful daughter and I had a nice evening at home. It was kinda like one of those master card commercials.....
Redbox movie rental..... $1
Movie style candy..... $3
Popcorn.... $2
Making it seem special by creating a new and unique environment for movie night.... PRICELESS!
So there we were, after having dinner and cleaning up the toys and things in the living room, laying out blankets and pillows on the floor in front of the T.V. together. We placed two water bottles, our candy bags, and a freshly popped bag of popcorn next to her Disney Princess sleeping bag and Lady Bug Pillow Pet atop the blankets.
She sat down, grabbed a handful of her Swedish fish, smiled and said, "Take my picture."
I turned the lights out, started the movie, sat down next to my munchkin to hear the four greatest words I have ever heard, "Daddy, I love you."
Little did she know that those four amazing words made my night. I kissed her on the forehead, smiled and replied, "I love you too sweet peas."
It was right then that I determined my topic for tonight.
It truly is the little things that matter the most.
For her, the "movie night" was unique and special. We didn't have to go spend 30-50 dollars at a fancy theater to be surrounded by other people in uncomfortable up right seats to have a great night. For the all mighty cost of 6 dollars (after tax ha ha), and with 10 minutes of prep time, we got to lay side by side, eating snacks, talking if we so chose, and watching our movie.
For me, seeing the smile on her face, and hearing her lovely little voice say those four unforgettable words, was the highlight of the evening. I didn't need to go beyond my means, nor waste funds on unnecessary pleasures, I made my daughter feel special, and she did the same for me.
It is amazing to me the power of the little things. And it really doesn't take much to provide them. A little thought, a little time, and a little love can make all the difference.
The movie itself was okay, nothing to write home about. But the time, the smiles, the enthusiasm and the other "Little things" could make the worst of movies feel like 10 time Oscar winners!
For anyone reading, I hope you enjoyed this post, and do me a favor....
DON'T FORGET THE LITTLE THINGS! They really mean so much.
Goodnight, and I hope you sleep as well as she is,
Chris
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Answering the Tough Questions
There comes a time when every parent will have to answer the tough questions. No, I'm not talking about "Where do baby's come from?" or "Is Santa Clause real?". I'm talking about the REALLY tough questions, which I am sure will be different for EVERY parent, single or not.
Lately, I have been thinking about how I will answer questions like "Why didn't you marry mommy?" or "Who is my real daddy?" or "Why do I see mommy so much less than you?"
Granted, my daughter is only 4, and those questions are still far from becoming an issue, I still can't help but wonder how I will answer them among others. I struggle with how to answer these types of questions honestly without bashing, bad mouthing, or tarnishing the image of her mother.
Of the three questions listed above, "Why didn't you marry mommy?" is probably the easiest. Our relationship was unhappy, unhealthy and it lacked the love that was necessary to allow it to grow. We tried to make it work, for Aubrie's sake, but it was just not right. It wouldn't have been fair to any of the three of us to be in an unhappy household. At the time, i still wanted to make it work, as I was clinging to the idea that we should be a family, however; looking back, it is better this way. I can only hope that Aubrie will see the explanation as reasonable and fair.
But sadly, some questions are far more difficult than others. For example, with the "Who is my real daddy?" question... what can I say that is honest, but not negative? I refuse to be the parent that sets out to make mom look bad. I don't want Aubrie to resent her over it. But that is a tough line to walk. I mean, the subject will come up eventually, as much as I try to avoid it.
Truthfully, I do feel it is fair for her to know. Obviously, I will tell her that I was unaware that she wasn't mine until she was beyond two years old. And I would tell her that it all came out during court, which was unavoidable.
The tough part is, I don't really know the answer completely myself. Was I lied to the entire time? Perhaps I was, perhaps mom really didn't know, and actually thought I was her real father. I know what my OPINION is, based on how I think she would have handled it, but that is exactly that.... an opinion. I don't want to put my opinion in Aubrie's head, she should learn the "facts" and form her own. This too is difficult, because what if the facts are twisted, and her opinion ends up being based on false truths if you will. What happens then?
The best thing I can tell Aubrie in this situation is........
"Aubrie, it is true, I am not your biological father, but I AM your daddy. I love you, and no amount of blood could ever change that. You were born my daughter, and I will always treat you as such. I don't know exactly what really happened. But when mom was pregnant and told me I was your father... I made the choice to stand up and be there for you. When I found out you weren't mine, I felt no different. I watched you grow, I raised you, and I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU! As for your biological father, I do not know him personally."
Is that a fair answer? Was that honest? Did I give enough without hurting anyone else? I think so. I hope so!
The third question above is challenging as well. This question can be answered with facts and it is likely to be the first one to be asked. The problem here is that this is harder to avoid without making another person look bad. I don't want to say "Mommy was doing this, and in turn that happened. But how do I explain the issues? Do I tell her very truthfully what exactly made things the way they are? I know what mom's answer would be... as I have been accused of trying to hurt her since day one. But the truth is, her choices resulted in consequences. Sadly those consequences can in turn hurt Aubrie.
The best answer I can come up with is.....
"Mommy made some poor choices. She did things that I am sure she is not proud of. So I felt I had to do what was best in protecting you and providing for you. I only want what is best for you, and that means that we have to live this way for now."
I still feel that in telling her like that, I will appear to be trying to "bash" mom. It is not my intention by any means, but I cannot lie to my daughter. I don't want to drop bombs on her with exact details, but I also do not want to sugar coat a thing. How will she learn that there are consequences for actions without seeing that there really are?
I guess what I really need to know is....
Are there ever good answers to the REALLY TOUGH QUESTIONS? I can try and try to come up with the right way to say it, but I cant help but wonder if there really is a right way. As I said above, I want my daughter to be able to form her own opinions without anyone pushing her one way or another. The best thing I can do is control my answers and actions and hope she can see the truth in them. No matter what the tough question is, no matter how painful the thoughts might be, she deserves the honest truth.
On a side note....
Aubrie will be moving up into the Pre-K classroom at Primrose next monday! She will have Kindergarten curriculum and will be wearing uniforms 4 days of the week. I think I might be more excited than she is. HA HA HA. Also, I think that she will be challenged more in the next level, which could help to combat some of the recently developed behavior issues. Only time will tell. Either way, its exciting. Her last year before entering a going to an actual public Kindergarten program! Wow, she is growing TOO FAST!
Don't worry, I will post some pictures of her cute self, in her cute Primrose uniforms, next week.
Thanks for reading!
Chris
Lately, I have been thinking about how I will answer questions like "Why didn't you marry mommy?" or "Who is my real daddy?" or "Why do I see mommy so much less than you?"
Granted, my daughter is only 4, and those questions are still far from becoming an issue, I still can't help but wonder how I will answer them among others. I struggle with how to answer these types of questions honestly without bashing, bad mouthing, or tarnishing the image of her mother.
Of the three questions listed above, "Why didn't you marry mommy?" is probably the easiest. Our relationship was unhappy, unhealthy and it lacked the love that was necessary to allow it to grow. We tried to make it work, for Aubrie's sake, but it was just not right. It wouldn't have been fair to any of the three of us to be in an unhappy household. At the time, i still wanted to make it work, as I was clinging to the idea that we should be a family, however; looking back, it is better this way. I can only hope that Aubrie will see the explanation as reasonable and fair.
But sadly, some questions are far more difficult than others. For example, with the "Who is my real daddy?" question... what can I say that is honest, but not negative? I refuse to be the parent that sets out to make mom look bad. I don't want Aubrie to resent her over it. But that is a tough line to walk. I mean, the subject will come up eventually, as much as I try to avoid it.
Truthfully, I do feel it is fair for her to know. Obviously, I will tell her that I was unaware that she wasn't mine until she was beyond two years old. And I would tell her that it all came out during court, which was unavoidable.
The tough part is, I don't really know the answer completely myself. Was I lied to the entire time? Perhaps I was, perhaps mom really didn't know, and actually thought I was her real father. I know what my OPINION is, based on how I think she would have handled it, but that is exactly that.... an opinion. I don't want to put my opinion in Aubrie's head, she should learn the "facts" and form her own. This too is difficult, because what if the facts are twisted, and her opinion ends up being based on false truths if you will. What happens then?
The best thing I can tell Aubrie in this situation is........
"Aubrie, it is true, I am not your biological father, but I AM your daddy. I love you, and no amount of blood could ever change that. You were born my daughter, and I will always treat you as such. I don't know exactly what really happened. But when mom was pregnant and told me I was your father... I made the choice to stand up and be there for you. When I found out you weren't mine, I felt no different. I watched you grow, I raised you, and I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU! As for your biological father, I do not know him personally."
Is that a fair answer? Was that honest? Did I give enough without hurting anyone else? I think so. I hope so!
The third question above is challenging as well. This question can be answered with facts and it is likely to be the first one to be asked. The problem here is that this is harder to avoid without making another person look bad. I don't want to say "Mommy was doing this, and in turn that happened. But how do I explain the issues? Do I tell her very truthfully what exactly made things the way they are? I know what mom's answer would be... as I have been accused of trying to hurt her since day one. But the truth is, her choices resulted in consequences. Sadly those consequences can in turn hurt Aubrie.
The best answer I can come up with is.....
"Mommy made some poor choices. She did things that I am sure she is not proud of. So I felt I had to do what was best in protecting you and providing for you. I only want what is best for you, and that means that we have to live this way for now."
I still feel that in telling her like that, I will appear to be trying to "bash" mom. It is not my intention by any means, but I cannot lie to my daughter. I don't want to drop bombs on her with exact details, but I also do not want to sugar coat a thing. How will she learn that there are consequences for actions without seeing that there really are?
I guess what I really need to know is....
Are there ever good answers to the REALLY TOUGH QUESTIONS? I can try and try to come up with the right way to say it, but I cant help but wonder if there really is a right way. As I said above, I want my daughter to be able to form her own opinions without anyone pushing her one way or another. The best thing I can do is control my answers and actions and hope she can see the truth in them. No matter what the tough question is, no matter how painful the thoughts might be, she deserves the honest truth.
On a side note....
Aubrie will be moving up into the Pre-K classroom at Primrose next monday! She will have Kindergarten curriculum and will be wearing uniforms 4 days of the week. I think I might be more excited than she is. HA HA HA. Also, I think that she will be challenged more in the next level, which could help to combat some of the recently developed behavior issues. Only time will tell. Either way, its exciting. Her last year before entering a going to an actual public Kindergarten program! Wow, she is growing TOO FAST!
Don't worry, I will post some pictures of her cute self, in her cute Primrose uniforms, next week.
Thanks for reading!
Chris
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
From Then 'Til Now....
Gotta start somewhere.........
I'll never forget the phone call in November of 2006... "Chris, I need to talk to you about something". The 9 words that make any man's heart race. As the conversation proceeded, so many emotions ran through me. Even the thought of the "A-word". Yes, I too requested that be done. I later heard a song that changed my perspective and my life! You can hear the song below.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C5f9-b-Zfnw&feature=share
Soon I began to indulge in the idea of being a father, in fact, I even resumed a relationship with her mother. January of 2007 we actually moved in together in the home I was renting in my college town. I watched her stomach grow, which to me is a beautiful thing. A pregnant woman is beautiful in a whole different kind of way.
When the end of the school year came along, we moved back to the Denver Metro area. We lived with a couple of friends, and I resumed my summer employment at Elitch Gardens. A month later, mom was developing Preeclampsia, an allergy to the baby. When we went to the hospital for a migraine, we soon realized.... IT WAS BABY TIME!
Mom and I had both fallen asleep, until I woke up instantly to three words I will never forget, "Her water broke". Bam, just like that, I was on my feet! What an amazing experience that was. May 9th, 2007, Aubrie Ann Ezell was born. All 4 pounds 4 ounces of her! I have such a clear memory of when it was all said and done. I was holding moms hand, crying and repeating "You did it, you did it".
We spent 2 days at the hospital before we were cleared to go home. An unforgettable summer, 14 hour days at work, and long sleepless night in the kitchen with the water running. I slept on that tile floor countless times holding my baby, because only the sound of running water was soothing to her ears.
As August approached, we all moved back to Gunnison, CO. so I could finish school. I had one semester remaining. During that semester, I watched my baby learn and grow. She learned to crawl, said her first words, and even learned to walk by 10 months! Watching a child learn those things is quite incredible! I loved watching the cute things she did....
Like holding a bottle for the first time....
Or falling asleep in her rainforest Jumparoo.....
Her first Halloween costume.....
As that semester continued, my life changed. I devoted my senior show to being a father and titled it "Defining a father". The idea was to Illustrate the traits that a good father would have using 20 inch by 30 inch Virtue Posters.
Like being a teacher.....
I'll never forget the phone call in November of 2006... "Chris, I need to talk to you about something". The 9 words that make any man's heart race. As the conversation proceeded, so many emotions ran through me. Even the thought of the "A-word". Yes, I too requested that be done. I later heard a song that changed my perspective and my life! You can hear the song below.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C5f9-b-Zfnw&feature=share
Soon I began to indulge in the idea of being a father, in fact, I even resumed a relationship with her mother. January of 2007 we actually moved in together in the home I was renting in my college town. I watched her stomach grow, which to me is a beautiful thing. A pregnant woman is beautiful in a whole different kind of way.
When the end of the school year came along, we moved back to the Denver Metro area. We lived with a couple of friends, and I resumed my summer employment at Elitch Gardens. A month later, mom was developing Preeclampsia, an allergy to the baby. When we went to the hospital for a migraine, we soon realized.... IT WAS BABY TIME!
Mom and I had both fallen asleep, until I woke up instantly to three words I will never forget, "Her water broke". Bam, just like that, I was on my feet! What an amazing experience that was. May 9th, 2007, Aubrie Ann Ezell was born. All 4 pounds 4 ounces of her! I have such a clear memory of when it was all said and done. I was holding moms hand, crying and repeating "You did it, you did it".
We spent 2 days at the hospital before we were cleared to go home. An unforgettable summer, 14 hour days at work, and long sleepless night in the kitchen with the water running. I slept on that tile floor countless times holding my baby, because only the sound of running water was soothing to her ears.
As August approached, we all moved back to Gunnison, CO. so I could finish school. I had one semester remaining. During that semester, I watched my baby learn and grow. She learned to crawl, said her first words, and even learned to walk by 10 months! Watching a child learn those things is quite incredible! I loved watching the cute things she did....
Like holding a bottle for the first time....
Or falling asleep in her rainforest Jumparoo.....
Her first Halloween costume.....
As that semester continued, my life changed. I devoted my senior show to being a father and titled it "Defining a father". The idea was to Illustrate the traits that a good father would have using 20 inch by 30 inch Virtue Posters.
Like being a teacher.....
All in all there were thirteen, including Nurturing, Enthusiastic, Dedicated, Patient, and Loving among others. It was nice to graduate, but even more exciting dedicating my show to my munchkin!
We moved back to Denver in April of 2008. This is when things got rough. I started to look for employment, and took a job selling cars. It was fun, but unreliable. I decided after a 17 day period without a single customer on the lot, that my focus should be on finding a Graphic Design job. Unfortunately, that was more difficult than I expected. Things got worse, and in September, I became a single father.
Mom and I tried to be fair, but we had trouble doing so. I worked hard to support my daughter, even providing mom with food and diapers the two days or so a week she had her. I helped to pay phone bills, and portions of the rent. In March of 2009, it became apparent that we had to go through the inevitable court battle. And man was that UGLY! 30,000 dollars, stress, fighting, and even psychological evaluations! In July, I was given full custody for reasons I'd like to not make public.
Soon after.... the shock came!
In september of 2009, mom requested a paternity test claiming my baby wasn't mine. Not sure what provoked it, perhaps she wanted to get rid of me, or maybe just out of spite. I wasn't quite sure why it happened, but it did. A week or so later, I was in the office giving DNA samples. The results came back, and my heart was broken... the child I was raising was someone else's!
I spent two days feeling broken until I realized that it changed NOTHING! I was there for her first breath, I will be there as DADDY when I walk her down the aisle on her wedding day! The only time it really got to me after that was when I was told, "Oh man, she looks JUST LIKE YOU". Daggers in the chest every time.
Oh well, life goes on! And so does my love for her!
Its been almost 2 years since the shocking news, and not much has changed. I'm still her Residential parent. At times I struggle financially as any single parent might. We still spend loads of time together. And I still love her more than life itself, even when she gets a little bratty!
I wasn't planning on using this blog to tell my story, or to toot my own horn. Just wanted to give a background story before I get into the real topics..... parenting as a single parent, the ups and downs, my opinions of what a child needs, etc. So tomorrow, the real deal begins, I hope you keep reading! Feel free to leave comments, add perspectives, or tell a story of your own!
Thanks,
Chris
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