So, its been a few days since my last post. Sorry, it's been CRAZY!
Tonight, I decided to talk about my thoughts on co-parenting. Its not easy, not even close, but it is important.
For some, it may be much easier. There are some broken couples that have very similar parenting styles, very open lines of communication, and have nothing to gripe about when it comes to the other party. For those of you in this situation, congratulations, you should be commended.
For some of us however, there isn't the same kind of luck. Some couples who have split up, split for very obvious reasons. In my situation, there are trust issues, inability to communicate on all levels, different views on parenting, and a very different idea of stability and consistency.
Things have gotten better over the years as now we can for the most part remain civil and try to talk things out. But at times, we still see things very very differently. And when we don't see eye to eye, it makes for uncomfortable meetings.
Its hard, with the past issues, to know that the important things are done consistently. It's even more difficult considering that we have a hard time believing what the other person says. Also, in raising a little girl, some things that may be okay for mom, are not okay for my house. For example, a little girl can sleep in mommy's bed, or take a shower with mommy, but then when she comes home, she wants to do those things with me.
Obviously, I have to say no. It would not be appropriate for a 4 year old girl to take a shower with daddy. I tried to make this point, but it seemed that the request for consistency was ignored. So, I had to take a different approach. I told Aubrie that mommy is a girl, and she is a girl, and that certain things are okay in that situation. Daddy is a boy, so at daddy's house, things are different. At first, it was a tough concept for my little lady to grasp. As time went on, she started to understand. Did I do the wrong thing? Well, I tried not to, but when there is no cooperation, I am forced to follow another route.
At the same time, my daughter has a very creative mind. Sometimes, what she says, isn't quite what happens. So asking her if she brushed her teeth or slept in her own bed, may have a twisted answer. I don't want to put her in the middle by asking questions or probing, but I need to know these things. I mean, don't we all want to know that our children are doing what they need to do?
So, how do we get to a point where we can trust and communicate when it seems all the trust, and willingness to communicate are nonexistent? It would be great if everyone had Pinocchio's nose wouldn't it?
The fact of the matter is that not all co-parents will see eye to eye, or answer questions honestly. All we can really do is hope that that will someday change in the best interest of the children, and that eventually we can get to a point where that line of communication is straight forward and open.
Well, daddy is tired and has to be at work early tomorrow in order to get home in time for the munchkin's first soccer practice. I hope everyone has a great evening.
Thanks again!
Chris
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Picking your battles
Sometimes as a parent, you have to know when to fight something, and when not too. There are things that really aren't worth the fight, and others that you must fight. When it comes down to it, the hard part is knowing the difference.
We all want to maintain control, and to know that our children will listen when we tell them to do something, but are all things really necessary to control? In my opinion, some are most definitely not.
I'll give you an example....
Just tonight, my daughter wanted to "pretend" to be a baby. Now generally, she eats her dinner at her table, in the same spot every night. Today, in the act of acting like a baby, she wanted to sit in her old high chair and eat there.
My initial instinct was to tell her no, that she is a big girl, and big girls eat at the table. But what is really important on this one? Where she eats? Or that she eats? To me, it is more important for her to eat. If she wanted to pretend to be a baby and eat in the high chair, then so be it.
I chose not to fight this battle because it really isn't hurting anything. It was part of the play she was having, and I really just wanted to make sure she ate. To me it was not worth a fit, delaying dinner for time out, and possibly having her not eat at all. In the end, we both one. She ate her entire dinner, which made me happy.... And she ate in her highchair so she continue pretending to be a baby which made her happy.
On the otter hand, there are some battles I MUST fight, I'll use another example from this evening.....
After he dinner, I told her it was bath time. At first, she didn't want to take her bath and brush her teeth. To me, this battle is a must for a few reasons.
First of all, I made it very clear that she had to do it. I had to make sure to put my foot down, so she knows that when daddy says it, he means it.
At first she said, "Daddy, I'm not stinky."
I replied with, "No, you're not stinky, but you don't have to be stinky to take a bath. If you don't take one, you can get stinky, but it's really to make sure you are clean."
She got upset and yelled, "I'M NOT DIRTY DADDY."
I told her, "No, you're not, but if you don't take a bath, you can get that way."
After this, the fit began. She dropped to the floor, and started yelling, screaming and kicking. I told her, that if she wanted to continue acting that way that she would end up in time out. I started counting, got to 5 and the fit hadn't stopped, so into time out she went.
After 4 minutes of time out, she calmed down, and I had her come to me. We talked about why she was in trouble, she said sorry, I gave her a hug, told her I loved her, and she took her bath. After the first break down, she agreed to brushing her teeth and hair without trying to avoid it.
This too was a win win situation. She learned again that what daddy says goes. She learned that I love her no matter what, and that acting the way she did was not okay. She also learned again the importance of personal hygiene,
For me, I maintained my control, and got her to learn the things above. So again we both ended up happy, even though we struggled for a moment to get there.
Now, I'm sure battles are different for every family, and that some people may fight some battles others wont. For me, both of these battles were wins on both sides, and everything necessary was accomplished.
My apologies to anyone who reads consistently for no entry last night. After dinner I was feeling a bit under the weather and decided it was best to get some sleep to make sure I was feeling better for work this morning.
Well, thanks again for reading and I wish you all the best!
Chris
We all want to maintain control, and to know that our children will listen when we tell them to do something, but are all things really necessary to control? In my opinion, some are most definitely not.
I'll give you an example....
Just tonight, my daughter wanted to "pretend" to be a baby. Now generally, she eats her dinner at her table, in the same spot every night. Today, in the act of acting like a baby, she wanted to sit in her old high chair and eat there.
My initial instinct was to tell her no, that she is a big girl, and big girls eat at the table. But what is really important on this one? Where she eats? Or that she eats? To me, it is more important for her to eat. If she wanted to pretend to be a baby and eat in the high chair, then so be it.
I chose not to fight this battle because it really isn't hurting anything. It was part of the play she was having, and I really just wanted to make sure she ate. To me it was not worth a fit, delaying dinner for time out, and possibly having her not eat at all. In the end, we both one. She ate her entire dinner, which made me happy.... And she ate in her highchair so she continue pretending to be a baby which made her happy.
On the otter hand, there are some battles I MUST fight, I'll use another example from this evening.....
After he dinner, I told her it was bath time. At first, she didn't want to take her bath and brush her teeth. To me, this battle is a must for a few reasons.
First of all, I made it very clear that she had to do it. I had to make sure to put my foot down, so she knows that when daddy says it, he means it.
At first she said, "Daddy, I'm not stinky."
I replied with, "No, you're not stinky, but you don't have to be stinky to take a bath. If you don't take one, you can get stinky, but it's really to make sure you are clean."
She got upset and yelled, "I'M NOT DIRTY DADDY."
I told her, "No, you're not, but if you don't take a bath, you can get that way."
After this, the fit began. She dropped to the floor, and started yelling, screaming and kicking. I told her, that if she wanted to continue acting that way that she would end up in time out. I started counting, got to 5 and the fit hadn't stopped, so into time out she went.
After 4 minutes of time out, she calmed down, and I had her come to me. We talked about why she was in trouble, she said sorry, I gave her a hug, told her I loved her, and she took her bath. After the first break down, she agreed to brushing her teeth and hair without trying to avoid it.
This too was a win win situation. She learned again that what daddy says goes. She learned that I love her no matter what, and that acting the way she did was not okay. She also learned again the importance of personal hygiene,
For me, I maintained my control, and got her to learn the things above. So again we both ended up happy, even though we struggled for a moment to get there.
Now, I'm sure battles are different for every family, and that some people may fight some battles others wont. For me, both of these battles were wins on both sides, and everything necessary was accomplished.
My apologies to anyone who reads consistently for no entry last night. After dinner I was feeling a bit under the weather and decided it was best to get some sleep to make sure I was feeling better for work this morning.
Well, thanks again for reading and I wish you all the best!
Chris
Monday, August 1, 2011
Extra Curriculars
Since I went to my daughter's parent's meeting for soccer tonight... I decided I would talk about extra curricular activities. I am a firm believer in the fact that they are important for many reasons!
First of all.... I think a child who stays busy and participates in sports, music, or other things like it, are far more successful in other aspects of life.
As I grew up, I was involved in many things... Karate, baseball, music, boy scouts etc. I truly believe that my success in academics, my social skills, and my ability to set goals and accomplish them, had a lot to do with the activities I participated in.
For example... when I was in fifth grade, I was having some behavior issues in school. I was supposed to test for my high blue belt in karate, and was held out of that test as a result of my actions in school. After that rude awakening, I consciously made an effort to correct my behavior.
I also feel that because I was so busy, I was able to focus more when it came to school and personal care. The skills I got from being involved in extra curricular activities translated directly into the more essential parts of my life.
I also feel that my dad, being there for my activities, showing his interest and care, pushing me to do what I wanted and do it well was crucial. I mean, he never took my to an event, and just left me there like a day care. He stayed, from start to finish, watched, cheered, supported my successes and kept my head up after failures. Its strange to look back and realize how I tried to impress him, even though I knew I couldn't disappoint him for trying my best.
When it comes to the munchkin, I just want her to do what she enjoys, at her ability level, with a smile. I'm not planning to be the parent that tries to force a high level of performance to live vicariously through her. I just want to support her interests, whatever they may be, and to teach her to do her best. I think that positive reinforcement will make her stronger, more independent and of course, happy!
In my personal opinion.... I don't see a reason to spoil a child with whatever material items they want. They should learn to value money, and to work for the things things they want, beyond what they just need. I do, however; believe in spoiling them with life enriching activities. I believe that they will make her more well rounded, teach her to follow her dreams and will provide a foundation for other successes in life.
It honestly breaks my heart to hear about art programs, athletic programs, music programs among others being cut from school. Those things are amazing activities for children. There is a need to work the creative side of the mind. Also, those group activities are also necessary for building social skills and teaching the importance of teamwork. Where is else one supposed to learn those traits at such a young age?
Whatever activities Aubrie decides to undertake, I will be there for her, with her and supporting her, every step of the way. Cheering in the stands, walking with her door to door to sell girl scout cookies, watching her draw and paint or sing and dance. Whatever it may be, I'm supportive.
I hope other parents do the same!
That's all for tonight folks! Have a great evening! And enjoy your extra curriculars as well!
Thanks again,
Chris
First of all.... I think a child who stays busy and participates in sports, music, or other things like it, are far more successful in other aspects of life.
As I grew up, I was involved in many things... Karate, baseball, music, boy scouts etc. I truly believe that my success in academics, my social skills, and my ability to set goals and accomplish them, had a lot to do with the activities I participated in.
For example... when I was in fifth grade, I was having some behavior issues in school. I was supposed to test for my high blue belt in karate, and was held out of that test as a result of my actions in school. After that rude awakening, I consciously made an effort to correct my behavior.
I also feel that because I was so busy, I was able to focus more when it came to school and personal care. The skills I got from being involved in extra curricular activities translated directly into the more essential parts of my life.
I also feel that my dad, being there for my activities, showing his interest and care, pushing me to do what I wanted and do it well was crucial. I mean, he never took my to an event, and just left me there like a day care. He stayed, from start to finish, watched, cheered, supported my successes and kept my head up after failures. Its strange to look back and realize how I tried to impress him, even though I knew I couldn't disappoint him for trying my best.
When it comes to the munchkin, I just want her to do what she enjoys, at her ability level, with a smile. I'm not planning to be the parent that tries to force a high level of performance to live vicariously through her. I just want to support her interests, whatever they may be, and to teach her to do her best. I think that positive reinforcement will make her stronger, more independent and of course, happy!
In my personal opinion.... I don't see a reason to spoil a child with whatever material items they want. They should learn to value money, and to work for the things things they want, beyond what they just need. I do, however; believe in spoiling them with life enriching activities. I believe that they will make her more well rounded, teach her to follow her dreams and will provide a foundation for other successes in life.
It honestly breaks my heart to hear about art programs, athletic programs, music programs among others being cut from school. Those things are amazing activities for children. There is a need to work the creative side of the mind. Also, those group activities are also necessary for building social skills and teaching the importance of teamwork. Where is else one supposed to learn those traits at such a young age?
Whatever activities Aubrie decides to undertake, I will be there for her, with her and supporting her, every step of the way. Cheering in the stands, walking with her door to door to sell girl scout cookies, watching her draw and paint or sing and dance. Whatever it may be, I'm supportive.
I hope other parents do the same!
That's all for tonight folks! Have a great evening! And enjoy your extra curriculars as well!
Thanks again,
Chris
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)