Tonight, I decided I would write about something that's been getting to me a lot lately..... trying to play both parts. As a single parent, and the primary residential parent, I struggle with this. It is a pleasure to be with my daughter nearly 100% of the time, but I am not a female.
The past few years, every female who has touched my daughter's life has pretty much been in and out. Some have been there a lot and just vanished, and some have been there for a little while, left, came back, and left again. It's hard to watch, and even though she is young, I know it hurts. Its not her fault by any means, and I hope she knows that.
Don't get me wrong, I don't at all mind being there for her all the time, but I truly wish she had a consistent, positive female role model. There are so many things I worry about when it comes to this.
For example, someday she is gonna start wanting to wear make up. I know nothing about the stuff. Sure I know what eye shadow is, I know what foundation is, I know what lipstick is, but I haven't got the slightest clue how to help her use them.
Oh.... and what about the big thing thats gonna come up some day.... you know.... the period. How could I possibly begin to help with that?!? I mean, I have designed tampon instruction pages and packaging ha ha, but really? Is she gonna be comfortable talking to me about it? Am I going to be comfortable hearing about it?
Now, I have done pig tails, french braids and I have painted nails. Anything to help my baby feel like a princess, but some things are beyond my level of knowledge. I wouldn't know what to do when it's time to get bras, or buying her underwear, or even the prom dresses and those types of things. Wow... there are so many things Im clueless about, good thing I have some good female friends I can go to for advice, right?
Either way, being Mr. Mom can really only go so far. I mean, I'm flattered when my friends wish me a happy mother's day when they notice that I play both parts. But it certainly isn't an easy thing to do. I freak out a bit when I think about the things a woman should be there for her for. Will she be okay talking to me about boys when she is old enough? At the same time, will I be able to talk to her about boys without being too protective? I want to be, but thats my baby girl, seeing her get her heart broken would be so hard to do.
I read once that a father is responsible for more than 90% of his daughters self confidence, and self esteem. If I show her how she deserves to be treated, and make her feel as beautiful as she really is, then she will feel that way, and believe it beyond a doubt. Now, I'm sure there are people who would disagree with that percentage above, but in my case, I have to be responsible for 100% of it. That can be quite difficult. I really hope that I can do that for her.
I know I am young, and that someday I will find my Miss Right, but she needs a female role model now. Someone who can be there for her consistently, and who can fill she shoes I can't. Who is going to show her what a strong, independent female is? Who is going to be her example of what an educated, goal oriented, ambitious female is? That, I simply can't do. I don't want her to have to rely on celebrities and other lime-lighted females for her examples. I want her to know a strong, powerful, everyday type of woman!
All I can really do, is be there to love her, answer questions when she asks, and make her feel amazing about herself. I am going to make sure she knows she is beautiful, make sure she knows what she is worth, and make sure she knows that SHE DESERVES the BEST!
So for now, I gotta step up and be her daddy, the one who makes her feel beautiful and special. The one who treats her in a way that will ensure that she will refuse to let a man treat her any differently! On the other hand, I will have to be the one she can trust, and confide in. Someone who she can go to with her female problems as well. Someone who will listen without being the overprotective father.
I have to play both roles, and play them well, because all she has.... is a Mr. Mom!
Well, I guess thats all for tonight.
Thanks for reading, and sleep well!
Chris
You're the man Chris!...anything that has ever came up in your life as difficult or hard as it may seem to you, you always find a way! Anything you do you put your all into it and that goes with parenting too, your daughter may not understand now but she will see when she gets older, what a great dad you are and be greatful to have you in her life..you may not know how to talk to her about things but you have always been good with words!
ReplyDeleteChris, You are right, you can not play both roles like you should. Don't get me wrong, you are doing a great job with both, but there are some things a girl needs a female adult for. I would suggest telling her female teachers about your predicament early in the school year. They will pay special attention to her and help out a lot. It is not an ideal situation, but until you do find that "miss right" it may help some.
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